


piece by piece

by MaddieandChimney



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, mentions of doug as a existing being but no descriptions of domestic violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27805066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: Maddie misses her when she’s gone, which is crazy because she’s barely a few feet away, being adored by the two men who will teach her that men can be kind and patient and good. So good.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales, Madney One-Shots





	piece by piece

Maddie can file her life into three chapters.

There’s her childhood which wasn’t awful by any means but wasn’t easy either. She and her brother had wanted for nothing, other than the attention of their parents which they had both gone above and beyond to try and get at times. But Maddie is thankful that, at thirty-six years old, she can look at her baby brother and know that they still have each other. Even if they don’t their parents, she has him and despite the fact he’s seven years younger than her, he’s the first man who’d ever made her feel truly safe.

Then there was the Doug chapter. Arguably the most difficult, the one that had taught her life lessons she could have quite happily lived her life without ever knowing. Lessons that left her closed off, wary, fearful, and alone. It _should_ be the chapter she’s most proud of because in the time she knows him, she graduates college, she helps hundreds of people when she becomes a nurse, she gets married and she visits Europe which was something she had always wanted to do. It’s the chapter in which she falls in love for the first time and it’s the head-over-heels kind where her entire life becomes consumed by him and everything he is in too short a time period. The kind of love she had made fun of before she met him.

It’s the kind of love that feels dangerous when she looks back on it years later and she sees all the warning signs she wishes she had at the time. But she was nineteen and he was older, intelligent, he came from a good family, he had dreams and ambition, he made her feel safe in his arms… until he didn’t.

And then there’s this chapter, the one that started the second she crossed state lines, far away from Pennsylvania and her life there. Not speaking to Buck for three years had been the most difficult decision of her life but it meant that she had somewhere to run, somewhere to go and whilst that had never been the goal (she’d just wanted to protect him from the truth), Maddie can remember the overwhelming relief when she’d made the decision to stay in LA with her brother. She’d felt as though she could be safe, as though one day, she’d be able to stop looking over her shoulder.

LA is her favourite chapter which was something she had never expected because her expectations for life after Doug had been low. She never could have imagined falling in love again or trusting someone with that piece of her in the way she does Chimney. Maddie had just wanted to _live_ , to feel as though she could breathe again without having Doug suffocating her with his warped version of love.

This chapter of her life is full of beauty, with pieces of pain scattered in but this is the chapter of her life she feels most proud of. Even more so when she’s staring at her boyfriend as he holds their baby girl in his arms and her brother stands next to him with the biggest grin on his face, both of them so caught up in her daughter who’s only been in the world for two days and already knows so much love and joy. Maddie knows that the scars of her past will never fully heal but the weight on her shoulders doesn’t feel as heavy as it did two years ago, even one year ago. It’s shared now with Chimney, with her brother, with the friendships she’s found. The burden of the secret that had once felt shameful had been lifted by the fact she finally felt as though she could be open and honest and no one would look at her as though she was the one to blame.

She’s not ashamed of anything that happened, although that had been the one of the many things weighing her down for so long. Maddie has found strength from everything the earlier chapters of her life had thrown at her, and then the pieces of darkness that fall through the cracks in this version of her life. She’s found hope in Chimney’s eyes and happiness in the way her brother smiles at her and joy in the way Josh brings her hot chocolate when he thinks she’s looking stressed. Love, happiness and friendship, that was all Maddie had ever wanted for her future. The three things she thought she would never get when she felt as though she was stuck in that house in Hershey with no way out.

There had always been one other thing she wanted, too. Something she had spent so long denying to herself that she had almost forgotten. How a fourteen year old Maddie on career day had told _everyone_ that all she wanted to be was a good mother. How a nineteen year old Maddie had looked into the eyes of the man she had fallen in love with so quickly and told him she couldn’t want to have children with him. And then eventually, how a twenty-seven year old Maddie had sat, sobbing in the bathroom of the home she shared with that very same man, her entire body shaking as she waited for the results of the pregnancy test resting on the counter in front of her. It had stopped being what she wanted, it didn’t feel right or safe. Sometimes, most of the time, she couldn’t protect herself from her husband, she didn’t know if she could ever protect their child, too.

Maddie can still remember the relief that day when she had seen it was negative and she had promised herself that she would make sure she never had to feel that way again. And then she can remember standing in the bathroom of Chimney’s apartment, just eight years later, staring at the two pregnancy tests she’d laid out on the edge of the sink in front of her. It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t even expected and beyond her telling him that she hadn’t felt safe enough to have a child before, they hadn’t discussed it. And yet, she hadn’t been sobbing, she hadn’t been shaking, she hadn’t been running through the options in her head if it were positive. The baby, _this_ baby was half of her and half of Chimney and Maddie couldn’t have felt safer or more loved than she did with him.

Waiting for that test had felt terrifying in it’s own right because bringing a life into the world regardless of the circumstance was a big decision but she had felt excitement bubbling inside of her at the prospect of bringing a child into the world with the man she loved. Seeing two positive tests in front of her had felt more of a relief than it had anything else because she _wanted_ it. Somewhere along the way, without her even noticing, she had longed to be a mother again.

It’s hard not to think of those darkest moments of her life when she’s staring at the three people she loves most in the world, tears rolling down pale cheeks as she smiles. It’s hard not to remember a time when this didn’t feel possible, when the very thought of having a child had felt as though her world was ending. Instead, she’s watching as her daughter snuggles into the warmth of her father’s safe, loving and caring arms as her uncle continues to talk in a baby voice, completely enamoured with her just as Maddie knew he would be.

The little girl will never know what it’s like to be scared of her father. She’ll never know her mother on edge, fearful for both of their lives. And she _will_ know her uncle and she’ll have a whole army behind her, also known as the 118 and the dispatch family. She’ll know love and safety and happiness, the _real_ kind. And Maddie knows more than anything that the home she shares with Chimney will be filled with laughter and joy.

“Are you okay?” The sound of Chimney’s voice is quick to pull her from her thoughts as her smile widens, despite the tears still falling, opening her arms for her daughter. It feels strange, that the little life growing inside of her for nine months, the heart she’d heard beating inside of her, the little kicks that kept her up most nights, is now a life of her own… away from her. Maddie misses her when she’s gone, which is crazy because she’s barely a few feet away, being adored by the two men who will teach her that men can be kind and patient and good. So good.

She doesn’t answer until the baby is back in her arms and Chimney is settling down on the bed beside her, his lips immediately pressing to the side of her head as he does. “More than okay, just thinking.” He doesn’t say anything back, only nods his head and she looks up at her brother as he settles on the end of her bed, grinning at him when he reaches out to gently cup her foot.

And then she looks back down at her daughter, fingers gently running through tufts of dark hair, brown eyes looking up at her for just a second until she’s lulled back into sleep. She has her father’s eyes and her nose and she’s absolutely perfect in every single way possible. Maddie had loved her from the second she had seen those positive pregnancy tests and had fallen more and more in love with every scan, every time they heard her heart beating, every kick and movement and every single time Chimney would press his hands to her bump and talk to their child. She just hadn’t truly understood how much that love could intensify the second she had laid eyes on her.

Amelia Joy Han: her favourite part of this chapter, Maddie thinks as she leans down to gently press a kiss to her forehead before she lifts her head back up to rest on Chimney’s shoulder, taking a breath as she does. A few years ago, she never could have imagined that this would be her life, that she could be quite as happy as she was right then, surrounded by the people she loved most in the world as she snuggles just that little more into her boyfriend with a smile.

It was everything she had wanted and nothing at all what she had expected – to be loved in the way that Chimney loves her and to feel the kind of love that she feels for him and for their daughter. Chimney’s arm wraps around her and his nose nudges against her cheek and her brother rubs her blanket covered foot gently whilst her daughter snuggles into her chest. She’s safe and she’s loved but most importantly, Amelia is safe and loved and really, Maddie isn’t sure she could ever want for anything more than that.


End file.
